It was Tuesday morning and I had close to a hour before my doctors appointment and started listening to the Mythic Medicinals podcast in the car. Highly recommend listening to them if you haven't yet!
All bundled up, Amber's soothing voice, lots of plant knowledge, the kind of podcast that feeds my spirit and soul... I remember thinking "I can listen to this all day, I can think about these topics all day, I just want to be with plants all day"...
As the time for the appointment approached I paused their beautiful conversation (Amber and Asia) and went to the doctor, then to get blood work done (I'm having surgery next week). The nurse calls my name and we start chatting right away.
One word leads to the other and soon we are talking about NY. New York was our home for 10 years, first the city then the countryside... two of our 3 kids were born there, and it was still in Queens that we went through the painful experience of miscarriage.
Not to mention that most of my fictional writing happened there, during those first tumultuous childbearing years... NY was the nurse's home too. She was born in Baldwin and grew up between Jewish and Catholics. We shared stories, remembered incidents, asked curiosity questions and talked about our parents...
Of how much we miss our birth place or heart home in those what, 15 - 20 minutes of conversation ... towards the end, her eyes looking soft to mine I start sobbing as I recalled the last few weeks before moving to CA.
Our little house had been the home of a II War Veteran. There they started their family and lived for over 50 years! The veteran had passed away in the 90's, years before we bought the house from his wife and daughter .. as we moved in and started making it our home I started feeling his presence in the house.
The house had always had great energy and I always felt safe there. The light was incredible and we were blessed by the sun light in all corners of the house. Slowly, I would quietly thank him and welcome him. His presence as a man of war was strong but gentle. My husband felt the same way, but the connection with him only I experienced.
I loved all of his wood work around the house and never removed or touched anything. It just felt right. Although our minds can't fully comprehend what I'm about to say we, the veteran and I, suffered a great deal as the moving date approached.
I would pray for him and ask my mom to lit candles (hers are very strong) and until we sold our house, already living in Cali I could feel him and his sadness. Today, at the office, blessed and inspired by Amber's words, I felt him and remembered him. I missed it all wholeheartedly.
The nurse and I gave each other a big bear hug, touched by our encounter and what we shared, and s weird as it may sound this surgery had it's own plans.
My day went on as planned and at night I had a very significant dream that I share bellow.
As I was entering the liminal state the image of the torso of an alien appeared to me. I kept my eyes shut ... it was as if his torso was glued to my eyes. Scared I started praying and visualising a forest of eucaliptus trees.
I could feel the energy in the room, but I still didn't open my eyes. I could have, but I chose not to. I could feel the presence of an entity and as the energy built in, my body became semi frozen ... I had entered.
The room was dark. There was a dog that looked like an Australian Shepard making me company. Clay walls, old objects. Dust everywhere. Suddenly, the door to the yard opens and the dog runs away. I become uneasy and try opening the door but it seemed stuck and I felt the urge to leave the room. *I could not get stuck there*. I physically make several attempts to open the door. Desperately I try once more and it finally opens.
The dog comes running and I hold him dearly. It was good the feeling of having him in my arms. There was a cement wall separating the dark room and the patio, as I turn left entering the patio I see beautiful blue table cloths with yellow flowers air drying. They look familiar. They bring many feelings.
I notice the presence of other dogs, all very small, black fur with bright eyes checking me, but keeping distance. They look nocturnal animals actually. This was someone else's home. But whom? There were old Fisher Price toys all over the place. Time was holding still.
The grass covered with very small bushes that gave me a weird thought. I could not make sense of them there. Up on the hill I spot a giant dog of dark brown hair. He comes in my direction. We make eye contact. I remember thinking "that's a giant poodle". Very elegantly and gently he approaches and let me pet him.
I start crying, the sadness runs deep in my veins and I decide to come back.
The rest of the night followed with ordinary dreams.
It could have been our house in Levittown, NY in another dimension. Was I visiting the veteran, previous owner of the house?
Eucalyptus has been visiting me in dreams like never before. And it's a plant that's been part of my life from childhood.
Experiences like that are extremely hard to describe in our mundane language. I spent the day doing the big work and allowing its symbols to manifest and help the message become more accessible.
Interestingly the dream experience gave me motivation to start the day, I have been struggling with my day job real hard. As soon as I woke up and still very tired from the night, I went to tell my husband who said: - that's why I don't go to forests (!) ... you went to visit one of your ancestors.
“In mythos and fairy tales, deities and other great spirits test the hearts of humans by showing up in various forms that disguise their divinity. They show up in robes, rags, silver sashes, or with muddy feet. They show up with skin dark as old wood, or in scales made of rose petal, as a frail child, as a lime-yellow old woman, as a man who cannot speak, or as an animal who can. The great powers are testing to see if humans have yet learned to recognize the greatness of soul in all its varying forms.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes